diwali then......diwali now....

Its diwali time. i cant wait to burst crackers. each day of the diwali has to be enjoyed to the fullest. as usual i always go to my mom, make that innocent face and ask for 100rs to buy crackers. then i'll go to my dad, make that innocent face again and try to get another 100rs saying that its for me and my brother:) only i know how many crackers added to my brother's share. Also, my uncle bought crackers for me. The sparks, the crackers, the rockets, fountains, those green bombs which we usually placed in a soda can and burst. i still remember how the bomb used to tear apart the tin can. The rocket skyrocketing in a flash and burtsing with aesthetic luminosity. A rather gibberish feature of the festival that i liked was the smell of gunpowder in the surrounding. and somehow i am always so enthusiastic about the festival. i find no need for the sunrise as the nights are much more brighter. the entire city lights up to lanterns, diyas and fireworks.
fortunately or unfortunately, i dont know, but i am just reminiscing. this is not the diwali i am celebrating but this is the diwali i celebrated. yet, it feels like yesterday that i celebrated diwali zealously. the scenario is different now. the festival hasn't changed its description. but i have changed. today, this festival, for me, is about sweets, lanterns, diyas, decorations, lightings and rangoli. i do not wish to hear the 'tantrum' of crackers nor i have a vested interest in smelling the gunpowder in the environment. it is not that i have suddenly turned an environmentalist or that i am paranoid over global warming but i possess a different state of mind now. may be i found pleasure and peace in boisterous celebrations. however, i am more into colours and silent aesthetic luminosity and sweets. though one thing i'd admit that i don't have a sweet tooth for all the diwali sweets but by the end of the festival i do get nauseated by the site of them. Surprisingly, this diwali i drew a large rangoli for which i got paid and i was supposed to draw one at my office which i eventually skipped. there is one thing that i love the most during diwali- decorating my hall. i am very much enthusiastic about the decorations. flowers, lanterns, diyas, paintings, decorative and anything that will add to the ambiance of the hall. in the end, i appreciate the beauty of my own decorations, invite friends and relatives for lunch and dinner and have a laugh with family and friends. this is the simple way in which i celebrate my diwali. hope you are celebrating your diwali with equal enthusiasm. HAPPY DIWALI!!

Untitled Memories.

Memories often act as antecedents to our present opinions or actions. On a larger platform, they are often coined as good memories and bad memories. Scrutinizing your emotions would get tougher if you were asked to title an incident which occured during your childhood wherein, you were promoted to the higher class but your best friend, with whom you spend every moment in the class, failed, as good or bad. Especially, at an age when your intelligence progresses abreast your social augumentation, you can least avoid being skeptical about the past. Many among us would opt for a second chance for a particular incident in their past. The feeling persists that they could strive for a better outcome had they been given the chance to do so. However, commenting on this facet would be irrelevant as the topic of interest is memories.
Yet, i take some trouble to write about the derangement in the ideologies because i wish to describe a different class of memories. I term them as 'untitled' memories. I have a few memories which, even after years of maturity, will put me into dilemma if i was forced to term them good or bad. Those are moments in my life which i could just say,"It happened". Also, i do not wish to hint that those memories are insignificant. A recent example that i could recollect was when i drank for the first time. After i got drunk, I cried. Yet, i cannot term it as a good memory or bad memory because i feel it just happened. may be if it wasn't for that day it would have been for some other day that the same incidence might have occurred. also, if i had the chance to change anything about that incident i doubt i would be willing to. And as i categorize these memories as 'untitled' they do not lose their significance because those were the moments in my life which triggered a new facet in me. Ofcourse, i haven't turned a drunkard:)
You might wonder for a second as to why am i mentioning these memories. It is because they keep coming back to me again and again and i find myself in a dilemma whether i wish to forget them or cherish them. This blog would have been much interesting if i had to mention all my untitled memories. However, considering the hypocrite i am i do not think it would be a wise decision. It is not that i fear revealing my private life but it is for the fact that the one reading it would surely categorize it as a good or bad memory on my behalf judging me on the basis of the knowledge he or she possess. there are things in life i did because i believed they had to occur. And in a further span i'd be having more untitled memories for sure.

FULLSTOP.

An end to everything,
Or a new beginning,
A full stop not always,
Marks the ending.
It may be a start,
To a new sentence or chapter,
That adds more meaning,
Or a whole new meaning thereafter.
If it acts as a finish line,
It leaves you behind,
To ponder upon or learn,
What you read beforehand.
A small dot on the paper,
Is a significant sign,
So distinguishable from a twin,
That completes a letter ‘i’.
A terminator, a discriminator,
A tiny entity,
With a larger character,
Present in every story.
So next time you see,
A full stop as you read,
Remember you’ve collected,
A little information indeed.

Café Coffee Day

The coffee is cold,
I have been waiting long,
Still not confident what to say,
Just humming this song.

The song playing in the coffee shop,
Isn’t complementing my situation,
You just step in as if nothing’s wrong,
And it catches my attention.

Then suddenly you change the scenario,
As the smile vanishes with words of disparage,
And I am still interpreting,
Should I convey my love or rage?

I try to be diplomatic, to keep it cool,
You are eager to know what my answer is,
Pre-decided on the argument proposed,
But you say you do not wish to ‘reminisce’.

Finally, a consensus is met,
As we decide to separate,
The long conversation with some happy moments,
With an end, we might regret.

Tears fill your eyes,
As you are determined not to cry,
Paucity of words leave me silent,
To comfort you I cannot try.

At the exit I bid you a goodbye,
For you are leaving my life for eternity,
The coffee shop tagline catches my attention,
And I read to agree-“A lot can happen over a coffee”

Silent Confession.

I try to write down my feelings,
But it just doesnt work,
For the hypocrite i have been for the past years,
And everything i wrote was fake,
Some hidden truth though,
A lot was half baked,
Even if i reason those sins,
Pity and condolence is what i'll get,
A few would change their opinion about me,
But not one word of understanding i'd win,
I am so used to the dark that i fear light,
Am too coward to step up and fight,
Where are those who called themselves my friend,
Why do i feel so lonely,
Why do i feel the path behind me silent,
Did they leave me or i left them to ascend,
My hands quiver as i try to regret,
I cannot write my agony,
May be there is too much to state,
And my heart is not in harmony,
Confessions of a guilty mind,
Conscience that was killed with little effort,
Cant see ahead, the past accusing from behind,
But its too late now , i suppose,
The jury, the accuser and the guilty,
Its always me playing a character,
And finally the nemesis unavoidable,
Has only left me to deter.

LOVE STORY.....

Along the road the darkness

falls,

Behind my back my future

calls,

She knocked my door and gave a

smile,

As if telling me we could walk along for

miles,

I thought, I pondered,

I glared,

But to express myself I could not

dare,

Taking a while I gave a

smile,

But till then our world had rotated a

dial,

Accepting our fate till this

date,

We have been friends not zealous

mates,

We try our best to see the

present,

Sometimes our past amidst the

crescent,

Beneath the moonlight creeps as a fairy

tale,

And I find myself going beyond the

pale,

Thoughts return to present

time,

As always she is more

determined,

I try to learn but always

fail,

And everything ends as if a

sail,

Has battled through a silent

storm,

And hope my thoughts never

deform,

Our future is unpredictable I

agree,

If u love something then let it

free,

It returns, its

yours,

If doesn't.......

POKER!!

I have always related life to different phenomena I come across. In one of my poems, I related life to the five elements, the human body is formed of as encrypted in the Hindu mythology. Every time i do this i learn a completely new facet of life. Its been long since i wrote anything on life and somehow today a new facet once again dawned upon me.
Today, i see life as a game of poker. Initially i thought comparing life to a game of poker sounds so lame. Also, it would eventually sum up to the fact that i want call life a gamble. But its is when you consider the details of it, you realise that there are various factors in this gamble which makes the game- in this situation life- more interesting. The most basic aspect of a gamble rather poker is the amount you have with you. It basically decides the limitations of your risk-taking factor. Then comes good luck and finally, the most interesting aspect- probability.
First, i'll take a few moment to tell you how the game progresses and then i'll relate it to life. There is initially a blind bet which is compulsory for two players on the table and optional for the rest. After this, the dealer deals out two cards to each player which helps the others to decide whether they want to remain in the game or quit. If the player choses to play then he needs to put in the required amount. After all the players have put in the same amount, the dealer will place the next card face down. This card is not to be seen and is termed as 'burn card'. After one card is burnt the next three are placed on the table face up. These cards are considered common to each player and he or she has to place the bets over the consideration of having the best combination of five cards with two cards yet to be revealed. At this stage, those who think they have a chance to win go ahead by rising the stakes. OtherS, not so confident, fold. Now, all those who remain enter their bets and after each one has put in the same amount the dealer once again burns the next card and displays the card after that to all the player. Now there will be four cards on the table and two in the player's hand. Again, each player decides whether he has a chance to win by getting the best five- card combination. Now, the betting process repeats and also the dealer once again burns the next card and displays the card after that. This is the last card to be dealt. At this stage, you have five cards on the table and two in your hand. The player with the best five card combination would win. Obviously, there is a heirarchy to be known in order to know whether you have a winning combination, but, for time being i am more interested in mentioning the process rather than teaching you the entire game.
Let us have a look at life now. At the beginning, two players have to pay a blind. This implies to each player in turns. Life puts forth an ordeal to some people whereas there are others who are exempted. However, we least realize that the placement of ordeal would be in turns. If i have payed a price today, you may be the one facing the same situation tomorrow. In some way, we all are bound to pay the blinds. Then comes the luck factor. It is mere fate that we are born in a poor or rich family, our parents are respectable or cons. Yet, something to be realized is that as you have no option but to proceed in the game with respect to the two cards in your hands, in life, you are bound to accept your background. You cannot run away from you family as they are the ones who give you an identity. Try imagining your life without that last name you add along with your own; its impossible. Although, an option would be to fold or, as in this case, give up on life. But to remain in the game you have to pay a price. Every achievement has a price of its own. Some, confident enough to win are ready to risk everything they have. Others, hoping for a little support from fate, struggle. Now, comes a very tricky part of the game of life. In poker, you have a burn card. The burn card basically reduces the probability of you making the best five card combination. Something to be noticed here is that this stage would occur only if the player is choosing to go ahead with the two cards in hand. Even in life there is a card burnt. Life first gives you a choice whether you wish to live ahead with the options you have. Once you chose to go ahead, in a way, you chose a direction. At this stage, you are deprived of the the probabilities of many other directions. Its something like i chose to make a career in science stream then my probability of becoming a chartered accountant is exterminated. This example is not exact but supports the idea well. The later cards that are dealt by the dealer can be interpreted simply as the opportunities provided by life. In the game, it helps you make a better five card combination. In life, it helps you succeed. But at each stage, as a card is dealt, some price has to be paid.
Finally, one might argue that if this is a game, then there shall be only one winner. surprisingly, i have the best example at hand. A game of poker can have more than one winner. At times, it may so happen that not a couple or triplet, but, all the players win. To some extent, this is true. most of us face victory towards the end of the game of life. Although, the definition for victory differs from individual to individual, yet, life has its own concrete definition for the same. the game of poker, along with luck, requires some skills as well. It isnt very different with life. to play the game of life, we require some skills. Hence, it becomes important that we learn from every small win or loss. the first three cards that open may not prove of any help. but, sometimes it becomes important to hold on and not give up. I have seen a pot of 20k and 30k win by players with 2's and 3's in their hand. just because life gives us something less than others doesnt mean we have a lesser chance to succeed in life. Play poker and you'll realize what i mean when you'll see a player lose the game even after having two aces in hand.
Last but not the least, something about poker i like more than life is that if you are bored of playing the game, you can quit for sometime and then get back. Unfortunately, life never gives you any such privileges. So if i am bored of playing the game of life should i quit?