It is so amusing, to sometimes think of people speaking so metaphorically about life. most philosophers depict a certain aspect of life in their art form. musicians would create beautiful tunes, a poet would decorate the idea with rhymes, an artist would portray it with different colors, an actor would stage an act of obvious human emotions to recreate a certain idea, a sculptor would carve an inanimate object to make it appear lively. the philosophy of these artists are majorly acknowledged because they are able to present it in an entertaining manner. well, its human psychology.
But then what about those millions of silent philosophers, the ideas of whom are born and demised in their own minds. it obviously doesn't mean they are inferior. in the end we all seek the truth. we have had our share of happiness and sorrows. the knowledge we acquire from life is mostly different. the augmented structure of life is responsible for it. it is the same as choosing a profession. we cannot acquire in- depth knowledge of various professions and so we choose one. however, in case of life, this choice is pre-determined. what determines it? well, some call it fate, some call it destiny, some call it the outcome of one's action but i rather not comment on it. because in the end, it doesn't matter. certain consequences from the past need to be shared by every progeny.
In every life-story, there is a part of life different than our own. the successful have different success stories, the unsuccessful have different unfortunate tragedies, the happy have different means to search for content and the unhappy have different means to accommodate their sorrows. and yet we are a part of this race to claim superiority. every person feels the need to allow the world to understand that unique aspect of life that has been his pre-determined fate. however, life has its own way of maintaining an equilibrium. with so many minds desperate to speak there are almost equal no of minds shut.
in the end, one requires to accept the difference between reality and philosophy. philosophy in itself is a way of life. it involves exploring life and viewing it with an altogether different perception. we appreciate those simple philosophies nurtured by various art forms because unconsciously we realize that it is a perception that we cannot embed into our minds. we have to depend on the artist to allow us to see that unique part of life through his eyes. we take for granted even those complicated ideas that lurk around us because we feel that we can view life from that angle. eventually some of us decide to make that beautiful perception of an artist our way of life and unintentionally mix up our own perception to form a new way of life- a new philosophy.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Normal.
Ever seen a mentally retarded person? they say that those people cannot behave normally. normally? if we remember our physics well then we should be able to recollect our theories that were built up on assumptions to begin with and those phenomena that contradicted a certain theory were termed as special cases. and i am not making it up when i say that many a times some phenomena that do not follow a normal theory are termed as 'special' cases. look at the irony, we term phenomena as 'special' when they behave abnormally or sub-normally but term the human beings who are not normal as mentally retarded, mentally ill or some term that gives you the idea that "something is wrong with this person".
Obviously, i cannot blame anyone for this but then it left me with a thought. a thought about their place in our world. in our normal world. you are supposed to be normal if you can speak in an existing accent, if your postures and gestures are similar to the other thousands that were born before you, if you can score an average grade and sustain a job, if you like money and luxuries; but what about those we call mentally ill? what do they seek? for a normal person, i often say that a path he chooses in life is to seek the meaning for his existence. but i don't know if this holds true with those born with mental disorders.
A few years back, an accident occurred at gateway of India. two girls were slashed with a knife by a mentally ill person. i learned that he was mentally ill since childhood. while discussing it with a friend, my friend argued that the person shouldn't be allowed in public. he should be kept in an asylum. but i knew how that ill person's parents must be feeling because i have a mentally ill person staying in my locality whose parents have raised him well as from what i have observed. he even threw a stone at me which was big enough to knock me down if it hit my head. but i luckily escaped. although i realized the threat, a stronger realization possessed my thoughts and that was his parents' love for him. however the child is- normal, abnormal or subnormal -their parents love doesn't change. i suppose that is the only thing that doesn't change as would be seen by normal human beings. while writing this i recollect the recent incident in which a baby that died in the mother's womb and remained in it for a long time had deformed body parts and was termed as an alien, adding to which, the mother wasn't allowed to see the child's dead body.
May be there are many terms that define normal, but, i am sure "cruel" is one of them. we tend to observe a person's character through his eyes while he is interacting. i have stared into the eyes of these mentally ill twice, but all i could sense was the innocence of a new born. the thought process was ongoing but the vibes that i received where more pleasant and innocent than destructive and manipulative. i hope there was a way to redefine the terms used to administer these mentally challenged as they are more subtly termed these days.
May be it is only i who feel so. but, when a normal person breaks a glass in a fit of rage, we term him as short tempered, when a normal person suddenly feels like playing while at work, we term him as moody, when a normal person eats his meal in a disgusting manner, we call him ill- mannered. But if a mentally retarded did any of the above disgraceful act there is only one thing that would come to our mind as normals- "he is mentally ill." i hope someday i can understand them and built a place for them at least in my world where i wont see them as ill or retarded or challenged or disabled but 'different'.
Obviously, i cannot blame anyone for this but then it left me with a thought. a thought about their place in our world. in our normal world. you are supposed to be normal if you can speak in an existing accent, if your postures and gestures are similar to the other thousands that were born before you, if you can score an average grade and sustain a job, if you like money and luxuries; but what about those we call mentally ill? what do they seek? for a normal person, i often say that a path he chooses in life is to seek the meaning for his existence. but i don't know if this holds true with those born with mental disorders.
A few years back, an accident occurred at gateway of India. two girls were slashed with a knife by a mentally ill person. i learned that he was mentally ill since childhood. while discussing it with a friend, my friend argued that the person shouldn't be allowed in public. he should be kept in an asylum. but i knew how that ill person's parents must be feeling because i have a mentally ill person staying in my locality whose parents have raised him well as from what i have observed. he even threw a stone at me which was big enough to knock me down if it hit my head. but i luckily escaped. although i realized the threat, a stronger realization possessed my thoughts and that was his parents' love for him. however the child is- normal, abnormal or subnormal -their parents love doesn't change. i suppose that is the only thing that doesn't change as would be seen by normal human beings. while writing this i recollect the recent incident in which a baby that died in the mother's womb and remained in it for a long time had deformed body parts and was termed as an alien, adding to which, the mother wasn't allowed to see the child's dead body.
May be there are many terms that define normal, but, i am sure "cruel" is one of them. we tend to observe a person's character through his eyes while he is interacting. i have stared into the eyes of these mentally ill twice, but all i could sense was the innocence of a new born. the thought process was ongoing but the vibes that i received where more pleasant and innocent than destructive and manipulative. i hope there was a way to redefine the terms used to administer these mentally challenged as they are more subtly termed these days.
May be it is only i who feel so. but, when a normal person breaks a glass in a fit of rage, we term him as short tempered, when a normal person suddenly feels like playing while at work, we term him as moody, when a normal person eats his meal in a disgusting manner, we call him ill- mannered. But if a mentally retarded did any of the above disgraceful act there is only one thing that would come to our mind as normals- "he is mentally ill." i hope someday i can understand them and built a place for them at least in my world where i wont see them as ill or retarded or challenged or disabled but 'different'.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
21
i always thought that i knew so much about life that if i had to start writing i'd probably have a couple of books published. yet, i havent heard of many writers, who at the age of 21, have written great books on life. when i was 10, i always fascinated the idea of being 21. at that age you dream of winning over the world by the time you complete your teens.
life at 10 isnt all that happening for an average kid like me. in addition, its human nature to find another guy wearing the same shirt as yours to be more handsome than you could see yourself in the mirror. in short, we are always interested in others' life than our own. so as i mentioned earlier, being an average kid, i was more interested in people around me. the one thing that intrigued me the most was the freedom privileged by the grown ups. i wanted to wear stylish clothes, go out for movies almost every weekend, have a girlfriend, stay out late night, hang out with friends for long time and have my own money to spend the way i want. but, i was 10 then.
now, m 21. style changes 4 me everyday, i go out for movies once in while, i dont have a girlfriend, i cannot stay out late night, i cannot hang out with friends for too long, i still dont have money of my own to spend the way i want and the worst of all is that even if i get a decent job after a few months i wont be able to spend it my way. why? its simple, m 21. i have deadlines, i have duties, i have responsibilities, i have a career and i have an image in society. you dont have any of these when you are 10. just some stupid exam to be passed by hook or by crook twice a year and till you do that you get what you want and you dont have to answer anyone else. but, m 21.
yes, m 21.however messed up my life is, i am more worried about whom aishwairya rai is getting married to or whom she broke up with. i speak with so much fake confidence that people around me imagine me to be the next bill gates. i read the sexpert column in the newspaper dutifully and read it with so much enthusiasm as if am planning on losing my virginity the same night and will be discovering myself being affected by all the possible STD's the next morning. i have a regenerating heart that actually works more efficiently and quickly than a lizard who is believed to be the only mammal on earth with the power 2 regenerate a body part. i guess, they never studied the heart of a 21 year old very well. it is said to be broken, destroyed, cut, withered and all possible adjectives for destruction when his love goes away. but within no time a new heart re-generates to make space for a fresh love. i read the horoscope hoping that my financial and romantic life will improve. at 10, it was studies and mom. at 21, its money and love.
life at 10 isnt all that happening for an average kid like me. in addition, its human nature to find another guy wearing the same shirt as yours to be more handsome than you could see yourself in the mirror. in short, we are always interested in others' life than our own. so as i mentioned earlier, being an average kid, i was more interested in people around me. the one thing that intrigued me the most was the freedom privileged by the grown ups. i wanted to wear stylish clothes, go out for movies almost every weekend, have a girlfriend, stay out late night, hang out with friends for long time and have my own money to spend the way i want. but, i was 10 then.
now, m 21. style changes 4 me everyday, i go out for movies once in while, i dont have a girlfriend, i cannot stay out late night, i cannot hang out with friends for too long, i still dont have money of my own to spend the way i want and the worst of all is that even if i get a decent job after a few months i wont be able to spend it my way. why? its simple, m 21. i have deadlines, i have duties, i have responsibilities, i have a career and i have an image in society. you dont have any of these when you are 10. just some stupid exam to be passed by hook or by crook twice a year and till you do that you get what you want and you dont have to answer anyone else. but, m 21.
yes, m 21.however messed up my life is, i am more worried about whom aishwairya rai is getting married to or whom she broke up with. i speak with so much fake confidence that people around me imagine me to be the next bill gates. i read the sexpert column in the newspaper dutifully and read it with so much enthusiasm as if am planning on losing my virginity the same night and will be discovering myself being affected by all the possible STD's the next morning. i have a regenerating heart that actually works more efficiently and quickly than a lizard who is believed to be the only mammal on earth with the power 2 regenerate a body part. i guess, they never studied the heart of a 21 year old very well. it is said to be broken, destroyed, cut, withered and all possible adjectives for destruction when his love goes away. but within no time a new heart re-generates to make space for a fresh love. i read the horoscope hoping that my financial and romantic life will improve. at 10, it was studies and mom. at 21, its money and love.
Monday, April 19, 2010
unchangeable.
a destiny that awaits you at the horizon. the past is the reflection of the future. a sentence difficult to digest. but the one who understands the unchangeable destiny would understand exactly what i mean. but then its not all that complicated.
every person is born with a pre- decided fate. if you ponder upon the normal flow of life, you would say, as you sow, so shall you reap. in simple words, your act today leads to a possible outcome in future. Now, to interpret my idea you will need to visualize the opposite. it is because you are destined for a particular outcome in future, you perform an act in the present. unfortunately, there is no way to find out that pre- decided fate.
a very good friend of mine once told me,"life is unpredictable and the fact that it is makes it worth living." so all we can do is try not 2 judge ourselves on petty outcomes in the present because we have a larger future designed for us. all that we can do is work with all our heart in what we truly believe and may be that would become the most convenient way to reach that unchangeable destiny.
every person is born with a pre- decided fate. if you ponder upon the normal flow of life, you would say, as you sow, so shall you reap. in simple words, your act today leads to a possible outcome in future. Now, to interpret my idea you will need to visualize the opposite. it is because you are destined for a particular outcome in future, you perform an act in the present. unfortunately, there is no way to find out that pre- decided fate.
a very good friend of mine once told me,"life is unpredictable and the fact that it is makes it worth living." so all we can do is try not 2 judge ourselves on petty outcomes in the present because we have a larger future designed for us. all that we can do is work with all our heart in what we truly believe and may be that would become the most convenient way to reach that unchangeable destiny.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
One extra mile.
i gotta walk that extra mile,
my destiny awaits on the other side,
its gonna be tough for a while,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
dragging many expectations along,
i try to ignore the elevation,
my will power isn't so fragile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
the odds are stacked against me,
nobody said it would be easy,
although difficulties are ought to pile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
a point of no return,
i cannot go back,
but the journey has made me docile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
vision of victory, so clear,
there is no cost too high,
every step trying to be more agile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
i will not give up, i know,
even if it took a life more,
my attempts wont remain futile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
my destiny awaits on the other side,
its gonna be tough for a while,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
dragging many expectations along,
i try to ignore the elevation,
my will power isn't so fragile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
the odds are stacked against me,
nobody said it would be easy,
although difficulties are ought to pile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
a point of no return,
i cannot go back,
but the journey has made me docile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
vision of victory, so clear,
there is no cost too high,
every step trying to be more agile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
i will not give up, i know,
even if it took a life more,
my attempts wont remain futile,
i gotta walk that extra mile.
Fear...
What is this feeling? why does my mind feel so restless. my mind is crowded by her thoughts. all i want now is to hear her voice, to talk to her, to see her, to be with her, a moment that involves only her and myself. but there is something more to it. these wishes are not bothering me, its something else. something that has enveloped my mind the moment i developed feelings for her. my friend says it is love, but, i don't believe it. i did not chose to love her. she was never more than a friend to me. i understand my priorities and love isn't one of them. rather i never portrayed love in my mind till date, hence, i know for sure this isn't love. may be this is attraction, may be addiction, may be infatuation. In either case it isn't love.
I have never portrayed love because i never felt so strongly about anyone before and couldn't reach to the conclusion that i could be in love with that person. i don't love her. she is just a good friend. we speak regularly, we know everything about each other, we share our happiness and sorrows, we hold an important place in each others' life. that very much proves that we are good friends. isn't that how friends are supposed to be? yet, my mind is clogged. all of a sudden it has started behaving insane. irregularity in our contact makes me uncomfortable, small arguments get me worried for no reason, moments during her absence are filled with the presence of her memories and happy thoughts, every time i imagine that pleasant smile on her face, i smile involuntarily, even the times i am struggling my way to board a crowded train or bus and when all i have on my mind is to brutally push that person infront to pave my way through, her thought, for no reason, strikes.
my heart is insane. it is habituated to her. my brain knows it. yes, it knows that my heart is insane. it knows. it knows because it realizes that she doesn't feel the same way i do for her. it knows because she never reciprocates the affection that is visible in my eyes. it knows that 'that' one hasty decision could ruin our friendship. it knows because it realizes that i don't want to lose her. it knows because i am filled with that one feeling that dominates every thought of her. it knows that losing or hurting her is something i "fear".
I have never portrayed love because i never felt so strongly about anyone before and couldn't reach to the conclusion that i could be in love with that person. i don't love her. she is just a good friend. we speak regularly, we know everything about each other, we share our happiness and sorrows, we hold an important place in each others' life. that very much proves that we are good friends. isn't that how friends are supposed to be? yet, my mind is clogged. all of a sudden it has started behaving insane. irregularity in our contact makes me uncomfortable, small arguments get me worried for no reason, moments during her absence are filled with the presence of her memories and happy thoughts, every time i imagine that pleasant smile on her face, i smile involuntarily, even the times i am struggling my way to board a crowded train or bus and when all i have on my mind is to brutally push that person infront to pave my way through, her thought, for no reason, strikes.
my heart is insane. it is habituated to her. my brain knows it. yes, it knows that my heart is insane. it knows. it knows because it realizes that she doesn't feel the same way i do for her. it knows because she never reciprocates the affection that is visible in my eyes. it knows that 'that' one hasty decision could ruin our friendship. it knows because it realizes that i don't want to lose her. it knows because i am filled with that one feeling that dominates every thought of her. it knows that losing or hurting her is something i "fear".
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
'A Wanna-be'
"Be a good boy", mom often said. "Study well", dad always said in a supportive tone. "Don't be such a loser, be a sport" friends commented. "We expect good results from you", teachers demanded. i did everything. yes, i did. always tried my best to live up to others' expectations. i myself didn't realize when this obedience became a habit. but it never bothered me in the least sense because every time i behaved good my mother was happy; every time i studied sincerely my dad was happy; every time i behaved reckless or bold and socialized by every means my friends were happy; every time i scored well in my tests my teachers were happy. somehow, it made me happy. it was the smile on their face when they looked at me, after i had lived upto their expectations, that made me feel important. it made me feel i had some value in society and that i could fulfill everyone's needs n demands and expectations.
The times i let others down, i felt that i let myself down. But i didn't give up. i kept going. even when fingers were pointed at me i didn't justify myself but tried to prove my point through my actions. Each action was an outcome of someone else's belief. someone believed i could top my class so i believed it. someone believed i was kind so i believed it. someone believed i was a bad person so i believed it. someone believed i was sly so i believed it. someone believed i was a good friend so i believed it. someone believed i was a bad friend so i believed it. i believed....i believed everyone. yet, for once i couldn't believe in myself. however, its too late now. i have swum into deeper seas to return to the shores. i always had answers to people's question until the time when i asked my friend,"how do you want me to be?" he said,"be the way you want to be."
'the way i want to be'??? i asked myself several times but there was no answer. i am so used to living by others expectations that i never saw the need to generate any of my own. may be the term hypocrite would fit the description of me. the term is apt to describe me in a single word. i suppose the problem has arisen because i have grown in terms of knowledge, experience and the intelligence to scrutinize my own actions and that of others. obviously, i am not a welcomed individual in society now,unless, people don't know me. one obvious solution would have been to shift to a new place where people didn't know me and i had the chance to live the way i want. unfortunately, it wont work. because wherever i go there are people, wherever there are people there are expectations, wherever there are expectations i need to succumb.
May be the society needs to accept me as a hypocrite. may be i myself require to accept myself as a hypocrite. but i dont like when someone calls me a hypocrite. i feel agitated because hypocrite is the one who believes in one thing but does another. as for me, i dont know what i believe in. i behave as people wish me to. for those loving silence, am silent; for those loving fun, am funny; for those loving noise, am loud. but while i am one of these, i am with all my heart. because there is no second belief i hold simultaneously. still if you believe i am a hypocrite then may be i am living upto someone else's expectations at that time.
i wish someday i can find an expectation of my own. i wish someday i behave the way i want and not the way others want. i wish someday i live not because it is required but because i want to. i struggle to survive, i struggle to search for a purpose, i struggle to make a difference, i struggle to discover that 'one' expectation that has nurtured within me. i am not a hypocrite in societal terms.however, an informally coined term could describe me better if not the best. a famous category of teenagers that i could be considered to fall in. yes, i am that category; i am not a hypocrite, i am 'a wanna-be'.
The times i let others down, i felt that i let myself down. But i didn't give up. i kept going. even when fingers were pointed at me i didn't justify myself but tried to prove my point through my actions. Each action was an outcome of someone else's belief. someone believed i could top my class so i believed it. someone believed i was kind so i believed it. someone believed i was a bad person so i believed it. someone believed i was sly so i believed it. someone believed i was a good friend so i believed it. someone believed i was a bad friend so i believed it. i believed....i believed everyone. yet, for once i couldn't believe in myself. however, its too late now. i have swum into deeper seas to return to the shores. i always had answers to people's question until the time when i asked my friend,"how do you want me to be?" he said,"be the way you want to be."
'the way i want to be'??? i asked myself several times but there was no answer. i am so used to living by others expectations that i never saw the need to generate any of my own. may be the term hypocrite would fit the description of me. the term is apt to describe me in a single word. i suppose the problem has arisen because i have grown in terms of knowledge, experience and the intelligence to scrutinize my own actions and that of others. obviously, i am not a welcomed individual in society now,unless, people don't know me. one obvious solution would have been to shift to a new place where people didn't know me and i had the chance to live the way i want. unfortunately, it wont work. because wherever i go there are people, wherever there are people there are expectations, wherever there are expectations i need to succumb.
May be the society needs to accept me as a hypocrite. may be i myself require to accept myself as a hypocrite. but i dont like when someone calls me a hypocrite. i feel agitated because hypocrite is the one who believes in one thing but does another. as for me, i dont know what i believe in. i behave as people wish me to. for those loving silence, am silent; for those loving fun, am funny; for those loving noise, am loud. but while i am one of these, i am with all my heart. because there is no second belief i hold simultaneously. still if you believe i am a hypocrite then may be i am living upto someone else's expectations at that time.
i wish someday i can find an expectation of my own. i wish someday i behave the way i want and not the way others want. i wish someday i live not because it is required but because i want to. i struggle to survive, i struggle to search for a purpose, i struggle to make a difference, i struggle to discover that 'one' expectation that has nurtured within me. i am not a hypocrite in societal terms.however, an informally coined term could describe me better if not the best. a famous category of teenagers that i could be considered to fall in. yes, i am that category; i am not a hypocrite, i am 'a wanna-be'.
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