शोध...

विचारना माझ्या वाट सापडत नाही ,
ज्ञानाला माझ्या उपयोग सापडत नाही,
शब्दाना माझ्या अर्थ सापडत नाही,
प्रयत्नाना माझ्या यश सापडत नाही,
प्रेमाला माझ्या प्रेम सापडत नाही,
कष्टाना माझ्या फळ सापडत नाही,
दुक्हाना माझ्या समाधान सापडत नाही,
सुखाना माझ्या आयु सापडत नाही,
विश्वासाला माझ्या आधार सापडत नाही,
जीवनाला माझ्या कारण सापडत नाही,
कवितेला माझ्या पूर्णविराम ही सापडत नाही.

diwali then......diwali now....

Its diwali time. i cant wait to burst crackers. each day of the diwali has to be enjoyed to the fullest. as usual i always go to my mom, make that innocent face and ask for 100rs to buy crackers. then i'll go to my dad, make that innocent face again and try to get another 100rs saying that its for me and my brother:) only i know how many crackers added to my brother's share. Also, my uncle bought crackers for me. The sparks, the crackers, the rockets, fountains, those green bombs which we usually placed in a soda can and burst. i still remember how the bomb used to tear apart the tin can. The rocket skyrocketing in a flash and burtsing with aesthetic luminosity. A rather gibberish feature of the festival that i liked was the smell of gunpowder in the surrounding. and somehow i am always so enthusiastic about the festival. i find no need for the sunrise as the nights are much more brighter. the entire city lights up to lanterns, diyas and fireworks.
fortunately or unfortunately, i dont know, but i am just reminiscing. this is not the diwali i am celebrating but this is the diwali i celebrated. yet, it feels like yesterday that i celebrated diwali zealously. the scenario is different now. the festival hasn't changed its description. but i have changed. today, this festival, for me, is about sweets, lanterns, diyas, decorations, lightings and rangoli. i do not wish to hear the 'tantrum' of crackers nor i have a vested interest in smelling the gunpowder in the environment. it is not that i have suddenly turned an environmentalist or that i am paranoid over global warming but i possess a different state of mind now. may be i found pleasure and peace in boisterous celebrations. however, i am more into colours and silent aesthetic luminosity and sweets. though one thing i'd admit that i don't have a sweet tooth for all the diwali sweets but by the end of the festival i do get nauseated by the site of them. Surprisingly, this diwali i drew a large rangoli for which i got paid and i was supposed to draw one at my office which i eventually skipped. there is one thing that i love the most during diwali- decorating my hall. i am very much enthusiastic about the decorations. flowers, lanterns, diyas, paintings, decorative and anything that will add to the ambiance of the hall. in the end, i appreciate the beauty of my own decorations, invite friends and relatives for lunch and dinner and have a laugh with family and friends. this is the simple way in which i celebrate my diwali. hope you are celebrating your diwali with equal enthusiasm. HAPPY DIWALI!!

Untitled Memories.

Memories often act as antecedents to our present opinions or actions. On a larger platform, they are often coined as good memories and bad memories. Scrutinizing your emotions would get tougher if you were asked to title an incident which occured during your childhood wherein, you were promoted to the higher class but your best friend, with whom you spend every moment in the class, failed, as good or bad. Especially, at an age when your intelligence progresses abreast your social augumentation, you can least avoid being skeptical about the past. Many among us would opt for a second chance for a particular incident in their past. The feeling persists that they could strive for a better outcome had they been given the chance to do so. However, commenting on this facet would be irrelevant as the topic of interest is memories.
Yet, i take some trouble to write about the derangement in the ideologies because i wish to describe a different class of memories. I term them as 'untitled' memories. I have a few memories which, even after years of maturity, will put me into dilemma if i was forced to term them good or bad. Those are moments in my life which i could just say,"It happened". Also, i do not wish to hint that those memories are insignificant. A recent example that i could recollect was when i drank for the first time. After i got drunk, I cried. Yet, i cannot term it as a good memory or bad memory because i feel it just happened. may be if it wasn't for that day it would have been for some other day that the same incidence might have occurred. also, if i had the chance to change anything about that incident i doubt i would be willing to. And as i categorize these memories as 'untitled' they do not lose their significance because those were the moments in my life which triggered a new facet in me. Ofcourse, i haven't turned a drunkard:)
You might wonder for a second as to why am i mentioning these memories. It is because they keep coming back to me again and again and i find myself in a dilemma whether i wish to forget them or cherish them. This blog would have been much interesting if i had to mention all my untitled memories. However, considering the hypocrite i am i do not think it would be a wise decision. It is not that i fear revealing my private life but it is for the fact that the one reading it would surely categorize it as a good or bad memory on my behalf judging me on the basis of the knowledge he or she possess. there are things in life i did because i believed they had to occur. And in a further span i'd be having more untitled memories for sure.