Comeback.

Writing is no more the same. Earlier, it was a simple process. As I sat down running my hands gently over the keys and even before I pressed a single key an avalanche of thoughts would rush down from my mind into my hands. As I paved my way through those clusters of thoughts from varying interests picking up ideas that were analogous; I could carve them into something presentable. People appreciated it and that gave way to newer ideas to evolve within and a larger enthusiasm to carve them into a beautiful article. However, I have reached a ‘coma’ in my journey of creativity. It’s a sudden pause that is difficult to explain. I still have my hands with all eight fingers intact and thumb firmly placed on the spacebar. I also purchased a new keyboard, the glossy keys with neat printed alphabets which urge me to concatenate them into an appreciable manner. But it is something within that has lost its glaze.

My mind has lost somewhere among those clusters of ideas that has crowded its workspace. Suddenly, my mind has turned claustrophobic. It is not that I have never been in this situation but there is something about the moment I cannot explain my mind. It is constantly asking me for explanation but I condone its plea as I have larger issues at hand in the real world. Now, I have finally spared some time to find answers for my skeptical and obscure mind. I calmly ponder upon at the crowd of thoughts, ideas and memories that have clustered and constrained my mind. Inadvertently, I find nothing new. The entire scenario was something my creativity thrived on. It was out of this pandemonium that my mind would often help me engineer marvels that were appreciated by many. So what was the conundrum posed by time? I tried to think deeper. I assessed the situation from its root. How my earlier creations came into being? I said to myself, “ I developed ideas by learning each moment, every psychology, every situation, every phenomenon. Later, I thought over it again and again. Assessed, evaluated and also implied at times to verify them on a practical platform.
Is the situation different? I questioned myself. As I began analyzing my current state, the picture started bettering till I could finally understand my dilemma. Entering into the new phase of life has changed the equations for me. I am no more the teenager who had the freedom to pose a mere spectator to worldly issues. I am no more the novice who’s opinion was not worth. I am no more the juvenile who thinks he can control the world since he is able to make decisions at his own leisure. I am no more the youngster who could put aside his share of responsibilities and enjoy a weekend with friends or may be even plan a vacation by manipulating his schedule. I am no more the favourite student of a particular teacher who would provide him special guidance in tough situations. I am no more the kid that the elder’s often ignored and would be least interested whether or not he learned about important issues around. Today, I am a graduate- I am a professional. I do not think how I can change the world but I am worried of finding a right spot to fit myself in the larger picture. I am only favourite of those who can benefit from my work and I am a part of a constant race to prove myself to my colleagues and every other person around me who is directly or indirectly associated with my work. . More importantly, I require to prove myself and try not to lose myself in the rat race because no matter by what amount the number of variables in the equation increase, they would always equal to success in my formula for life. As I struggle to make a comeback, at least I realize now, its not the inspiration but the state of mind I am searching for.